What to NOT say to soon-to-be parents

As a dad to be, I’m more or less a trained expert on this now.

Aren’t you SO EXCITED?!?!

Sure, we’re excited. We’re also nervous and stressed and paranoid and freaking tired of people asking if we’re excited.

(To the mom) Oh, you’re feeling [insert some horrible pregnancy related condition here]? Well just try [insert stupid home remedy or food here]! It works wonders!

No it doesn’t. Go away.

Oh, you’re going to name it [insert name here]? Well, what about [insert completely different name here]? I like that a lot better.

Hey, great! Let’s drop the name we love and decided on in favor of a random name from a stranger!

[Person starts rubbing the mom’s belly]

Good idea! Here, let me pick your nose.

[Upon seeing a random kid misbehaving] You better get used to that now! You’ve got one on the way!

WTF! I do?! And you’re telling me kids are bad sometimes? I want out!

Were you trying or was it an accident?

Don’t know what to say about this one. It’s just really really awkward to be asked that.

Are you going to have another one?

We were kind of hoping to have this one first, and then decide. Is that ok?

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