Special time

Today I learned (from this podcast episode) about “special time” which means short, daily sessions of child-led play.

“Special time increases opportunities for closeness between a parent and child. As that attachment is building, it increases the likelihood that a child is going to listen or value what a parent has to say,” he says.

The concept […] is simple. For at least 5 minutes a day, sit down with your child and join them in an activity. That includes drawing, playing with dolls, building blocks — anything that doesn’t have a right or wrong way to play (like video games), says child psychologist Kerrie Murphy. Don’t ask questions or give commands — this is your child’s time to be in charge.

Source

The acronym to remember is PRIDE:

• P: Praise – Give your child specific praise as you play together. E.g., “I love how tall your block tower is!”
• R: Reflect – As your child plays, verbally repeat back some of what they say. “For example, if they say, ‘I’m reading a book!’ you might say, ‘you’re reading a book!'”
• I: Imitate – Join your child in parallel play. “If they are stacking Legos, you stack Legos.”
• D: Describe – “Narrate what your child is doing as though you’re a sportscaster calling a game”
• E: Enthusiasm – “Show enthusiasm while playing with your child by smiling, clapping or using your words to express you’re having a good time.”

I’ve been doing something I’ve called “special time” for a decade. But for me me it’s just meant hanging out with the older kid(s) once the younger kid(s) are in bed. But I’ve just kinda done whatever and haven’t followed any of those rules.

And I’ve been doing a few things wrong, according to this:

• You’re not supposed to ask questions. This is hard. You can’t say “what are you building?” for example.
• You’re not supposed to use it as a teaching opportunity. Don’t make them name the color of that block or count how many blocks are in the stack.
• You’re not supposed to have special time with more than one kid at a time, if you can help it. That’s tough when you have a bunch of kids.

Seems like you just do what another kid would do – they wouldn’t ask questions or try to teach, they’d just jump in and start playing.

And put your dang phone in the other room (note to self).