Violent politeness

You may have heard of ruinous empathy, which is:

Behavior in which someone is trying to be “nice” in an effort to spare people’s feelings — by not saying what needs to be said, by lying, or by just offering a verbal pat on the back.

Radical Candor

The other day, I heard it called violent politeness. What a powerful name, right?

Yes, clear is kind and unclear is unkind, but that’s not taking it far enough. Unclear is violent. If you’re avoiding due to politeness, that’s an act of violence. Violence against vulnerability, against honesty, against the team’s health, or against your own needs.

So just say it.