You’re not losing, you’re winning at the wrong things

You’re always winning because your brain is wired to. The trouble comes when what you really want—on a subconscious level—and what you say you want are different, sometimes radically so.

Gary John Bishop, Unfu*k Yourself

I can’t quite decide if this is a life changing insight or just some feel good nonsense, but it’s at least interesting.

For example: say I’m failing to spend less time working and more time with my family. He’s saying I should turn that around and figure out what I’m subconsciously winning at. Maybe I’m proving to myself that my work needs me more than my family. Or maybe some part of me believes being the breadwinner is more important for my family than quality time, so I’m winning at that.

Or say I’m failing to be more outgoing and to speak up more in meetings or to strangers. Maybe I’m actually winning at proving to myself that I’m going to be shy forever. Could that be what I believe, when I peel away the layers of growth mindset and hustle?

Whatever it is, supposedly I’m always winning at what I want deep down, and it doesn’t match with what I say I want. Do you buy it? I think I do, but I’m not sure.

Can you see ways in which you do this in your own life? Think of the problem areas in your life. Now think about them in terms of what you are winning at. What do you see there?

Gary John Bishop